Purpose

When you are single, you do single people things. You wake up when you want to or when your schedule demands and go about your single day and do single people activities. You call people, set up dates and go to meet other single people. Wen engaging in relationships, you either have one of two ultimate goals. You either are striving to or not to get married to one whom you are currently seeing.

When you are married and do married people things, your life and mid are preoccupied with doing things for the betterment of the unit, the family. You wake up to the one you are married to every morning and go to work and go on with their activities of daily living. I recently read a snippet of what it's like. It's a very romantic view of what  married life is like. Happiness

I would think many people would think my life to very complex and bogged down with details. To say that I am over exposed to childhood problems would be an understatement. Many times with smaller children, simply humoring them long enough to simply write this blog entry is a major undertaking and demand on my time away from them. I would think anyone with more than two children can understand that.

One hour later after averting a major bathtub clog.....

Where was I? Right, the total polar opposite dynamic. It's a mental preparedness that you do every morning when I one that is married prepares for. The day is frock with minor emergencies and whether you are prepared or not, you are the one they look to to fix the major disruptions in their lives. God forbid anything goes wrong in your life. Then everything gets fucked up. @smiles to myself@.

 I accepted these things when I got married and had children. And if you are mentally strong enough, you can hang in there. You can be "The Man". You can reap the rewards of their love and admiration because without it, why else get up in the morning? For another day of single life? For another conquest, for another day of little if any directed energy ex pension, for no purpose other than to breathe in, breathe out and repeat? This is why God or what ever put me here. I am sure of it. Laura and the kids were my purpose and without them, I would be little more than the man I described as breathing in, breathing out and repeating.

07/23/12

I have re read this blog entry and have had a lighter change of heart since them. I have the same problems most men with a family has, except the difference is medication. I have a lighter, more life centered and family centered view on this subject. I am a happier man and a more life and family centered individual. My work is the same and my family life has not changed. In fact, now there is less money coming in and my efforts to make some have since prompted me to write more and look for avenues to sell my literary efforts in a market that is more profitable than Blogger.




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Answers

A few days ago, my wife took me to see the first of many appointments, I presume, to diagnose what the cause of my memory loss is. The doctor was short, female and brilliant. She was amazing. Her staff, however, leaves something to be desired.

The appointment itself was more than degrading. The doctor asked me questions and I would ,more often than not, give incorrect information or less than complete information. My wife quickly corrected me and the doctor got the information she required. I guess that is the purpose of a consultative appointment in the first place, so there it is.

It was so funny. The doctor would ask a question expecting a yes or no answer. My wife, brilliant in her own rite, would want to either correct me or set the record straight and give very comprehensive answers clearly not required by the physician. I know she loves me and she could see the doctor was going down the same diagnostic path as doctors in the past. Depression, anxiety, these are a couple of common issues of men my age. These diagnoses are likely not the issue.

I like her. She gave my a ton of paper. Drugs, tests and blood work. All are due in her office by the end of the month to help her diagnose my issue. Good luck. I hope she comes up with something. It's getting progressively worse.

Today I visited my father. He has Alzheimer's Disease. He was diagnosed years ago and is doing tremendously well. If I have this disease and I get the same treatment he has received, I think I'll be in good shape.The drugs he is taking are many, but as long as he takes them, he has more good days than bad.
Today was not a good day for me. I am a little nervous about my wife coming home. I don't know why. Driving was a little challenging. I was fearful about getting into an accident with the kids so I left a mile when pulling out into traffic. Directions weren't a problem today at least. Operation of the car is almost never an issue. It was once and it freaked my wife out a little.

I had to laugh at my mother yesterday. I helped he choose a door at Lowe's yesterday. We left there and agreed to meet at Foster's Grill just down the street. It took me a while to find it, I passed it three times. Anyway while sitting there she says to me and my father, "Remind me to" (she had to do something after lunch. I am not sure at this point what that something was. I just found it hilarious she uttered those words to me and my father. THIS IS NOT ALZHEIMER"S DISEASE!! Even though both my father and grandfather had it. It's something related to my Epilepsy. I just know it.

Alzheimer's Disease

My wife, what a patient and loving person. She has put up with my non sense for almost fifteen years. My memory loss, missed appointments, forgotten details like, filling the tank with gas, you know non important stuff. It hasn't bothered me much until my fortieth birthday. In that month, I have lost my position with my employer and have noticed some pretty damn dramatic things happening to me that I can not explain or control. How does it make me feel? Well, I must admit my self esteem has taken a little hit. I think this is probably as far in the business food chain I will get. Which, by the way is a downward movement in the twelve years I have been with the company, a direct opposite direction than I or my wife, I am sure, intended.

My Grandfather and father both had Alzheimer's disease. I have promised my wife that I would start the ball rolling to be tested for what ever is clouding my thoughts and erasing my memory. Words, names, dates..all are elusive to me and now, simple tasks seem difficult when in the past I could juggle tasks pretty well. It would suck if it came back positive for the disease and I am a little nervous about this appointment I have with my doctor.

No one knows at work other than Bruce. He asked how it went today. I told him I scheduled it for later in the month so Laura can be there and better recall events for me.   I sit here writing about the events that could potentially change my life and it scares me a little. My work, my family, money, ...Laura's stressing about money now, how would she if I couldn't work.

A man is tied to the function he serves to those around him. I haven't been fully able to fill those shoes for at least a year..Laura says much longer. It's events like loosing myself on a drive to my sister's house when I have been there a thousand times. My boss has noticed my work ethic has not changed while my output is lower than it needs to be to keep me in the position I am in. I will be moved to another position at the end of the month. I have decided to use this forum as a sequence of events that embody the path I am on. The doctor's appointment will be the first step.

07/23/12
The doctor's visit was the first step and she put me on Zoloft. She ordered many expensive tests that I simply can not afford until Laura gets back to work. I will update when the tests are performed and the results come back.

Life's Little Challenges

This week, I have faced a job change with a lower salary. all of my family came down with the flu and Ethan is looking at numerous doctor's visits because of something called a chromosomal deletion.

Wat did I do about it? I, for the first time in twelve years, applied to Home Depot for a job. I will follow through with all the doctors say, but for now, they are stumped. They can not even identify the deletion.

Laura is amazingly positive. I find strength in that and share in her concern. She's right, is there anything we can do bout it? No. Praise Jesus, it could have been worse. It looks like we will keep our eyes open and not worry.

Birthdays!!!!

Happy Birthday to my angel Faith and my wonderful grandson. They are four years old and growing more and more every day. It makes me proud to see them develop and I know in my heart the are two wonderful little people. I love you both!!

spanking

http://www.ottawasun.com/2012/02/06/make-spanking-illegal-report
Raise your hand if you were spanked as a child @raises hand.
Now raise your hand if you were spanked as an adult. @smiles

This is a topic that comes out every 24 months or so in the news as a result of a new published report spanking is proven to be an ineffective way to discipline children. It's been proven to be an ineffective way to disciple children but on the flip side of that coin; to blame others for your child's behavior such as their teacher and expect the school system to pick up where you as the child's parent has dropped the ball would be just as ridiculous.

Let's face it.  No matter what your position is on the topic, there is not a parent alive that has not given their child a quick snap on the bottom to put their child back in line. Case in point. My sibling before they became a parent held the opinion that they were not going to spank. Now that they have two children and have been a parent for nine years, their opinion has changed and they spank on occasion.

I spanked two of my children when I was a young father. I learned through experience it does not work. I have found grounding, withholding privileges and speaking to my children have been far more effective methods of punishment.

It comes to this. You are the parent. You decide how best to raise your children and only you can make that decision.

Life's little challenges

My life is filled with days that are not so challenging. But once in a while, God throws a tense day in there just to keep my on my toes. It is as if a test of my will, my strength and sometimes my relationships presents itself. Sometimes I do well, other times, not so much. Today is one of those days. I have a pounding headache, two mortgage payments are due today and everyone around me is either tired or cranky or both.

Every little cry, whine or mess on the floor seems to get on my last nerve. The best for me would be not to interact with my children right now, but that is not always an option. I just need to get back into my happy place and start the week off on a good note tomorrow at work and finish on a better note here at home.

Thank you God for the patience and wisdom to deal with the non sense a three year old can come up  with.